Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize
