Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
