Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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