THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
