i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
