I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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