Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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