i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
