I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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