Can i not drive my cunt home
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
