Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
