hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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