Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
