I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
