Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
