It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
