Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
