i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
