I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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