You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
