Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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