Sry I called you an 8
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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