I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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