guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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