Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
