if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
