I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
