mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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