I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
