i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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