We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
