Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
