Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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