so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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