I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
