her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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