If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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