He had one of those small greek statue penises
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
