i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Dick very happy bro
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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