just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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