Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
