watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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