I accidentally burped into my bong.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
