I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
