oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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