While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
