I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
