it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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