Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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