the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize