I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
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At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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