I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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