Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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