Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
