Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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