i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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