i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
