I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
