somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
