Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
