I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me