and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary