I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.