where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.