My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
