New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
