I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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