Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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