OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
