Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Sorry I couldn't get my dick out

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.

Fav 24 5810 1483
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(701): View more from North Dakota

I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.

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(954): View more from Florida

She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.

Fav 13 3670 1054
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(503): View more from Oregon

I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.

Fav 3 1824 872
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(949): View more from California

Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro

Fav 7 664 472
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(437): View more from

sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life

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