just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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