What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
