oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
