Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Drake has all the answers
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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