I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
