my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
