I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
