Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
