he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
